Mindfulness and Changing Habits: From Frustration to Party Time
Aaargh! I did it again! My partner said something. I felt vulnerable. I escaped that feeling by getting angry and said some mean things. I hurt my partner’s feelings. And now I’m angry with myself, disappointed, and discouraged. How many times have I done this, genuinely regretted it, and promised myself I would react differently?
Will I ever learn?
Commitment to Change
I know that change is hard. As with so many harmful patterns, my habit of responding with anger has been built over decades. But I don’t want to give up. Once again, I decide to work on this negative pattern.
So, I set my intention. When a feeling of vulnerability shows up, I will notice it and then welcome it as an opportunity for a new response. I challenge myself to let go of self-protection and invite a feeling of excitement when I recognize unpleasant feelings. That recognition could create a truly miraculous moment—when a mindful gap opens up a space for choice. I don’t have to respond in the same old patterns.
Mindfulness
From within that gap, in that moment of awareness, I want to throw a little party, celebrating my mindfulness and the opportunity it creates for something new. At this party, I want compassion to be on the menu, especially compassion toward myself for all the times I felt—in my confusion—so scared and hurt. Maybe throwing myself a party will help me feel more accepting of my mistakes and less helpless. After all, if I have enough inner resources to throw a party and serve compassion to myself, how helpless can I be?
Maybe I can even respond to my partner—after my mindful gap party—with the same compassion I have just offered myself. But even if I don’t, my intention will be to understand and forgive my error, reset the intention to make changes, and continue on, celebrating my repeated efforts as part of the path.
Contemplation
- Sit comfortably in a quiet place.
- Think about a painful habit that you haven’t been able to let go of.
- Consider: What seems to bring it on? What is the first sign that it’s starting to launch?
- Set an intention to recognize that sign and celebrate that recognition as a seed of change.
- Do a little more planning. How will you respond the next time that feeling arises? And how will you celebrate your awareness? With a little whoop? By picturing fireworks? By sending yourself a party hat emoji?
- Celebrate your ongoing mindfulness!
